Cultural Psychoanalysis: Karen Horney Pt. 9

Our Inner Conflicts

One of the ways that Karen wanted to bring from the unconscious to the light was material related to inner conflict. Even if the patient was unaware there was an inner conflict, their thinking, and especially their actions, would demonstrate that there was indeed an inner conflict. When people say they want to achieve something, but their actions go completely against those goals, the indecisiveness and inconsistency of action makes it obvious. Just like how marriage partners need to be complimentary to keep the peace at home, goals have to be partnered in such away as to allow for a clear conscience. Therapists have to point this out and help the patient realize that their stress will only decrease as they become more decisive and less hypocritical. “A girl wants above all else to marry, yet shrinks from the advances of any man. A mother over-solicitous of her children frequently forgets their birthdays. A person always generous to others is niggardly about small expenditures for himself. Another who longs for solitude never manages to be alone. One forgiving and tolerant toward most people is oversevere and demanding with himself.” Deep down there’s a fear of missing out (FOMO), or what Karen calls basic anxiety, so that when a decision is made, something comes up that brings up a fear of regret, and there’s often not enough awareness of the sacrifice that might have to be accepted in order to be decisive. We can’t all have our cake and eat it too.

Moving Toward

The fear of missing out can sometimes manifest in the the belief that one should never miss an opportunity to make others responsible for one’s life. These tendencies view people without an awareness of boundaries or a sense that people are independent individuals. “Group 1, the compliant type, manifests all the traits that go with ‘moving toward‘ people. He shows a marked need for affection and approval and an especial need for a ‘partner’—that is, a friend, lover, husband or wife ‘who is to fulfill all expectations of life and take responsibility for good and evil, his successful manipulation becoming the predominant task.’ These needs have the characteristics common to all neurotic trends; that is, they are compulsive, indiscriminate, and generate anxiety or despondence when frustrated. They operate almost independently of the intrinsic worth of the ‘others’ in question, as well as of the person’s real feeling toward them. However these needs may vary in their expression, they all center around a desire for human intimacy, a desire for ‘belonging.’ Because of the indiscriminate nature of his needs, the compliant type will be prone to overrate his congeniality and the interests he has in common with those around him and disregard the separating factors.”

By ignoring the reality that life with others is a constant negotiation, the person moving toward fails to realize the limits of other people’s energy. When they show their independence, the person moving toward is always surprised by these limits on energy. This is because there’s a value judgment that believes that people shouldn’t have those limits. “He tries automatically to live up to the expectations of others, or to what he believes to be their expectations, often to the extent of losing sight of his own feelings. He becomes ‘unselfish,’ self-sacrificing, undemanding—except for his unbounded desire for affection. He becomes compliant, overconsiderate—within the limits possible for him—overappreciative, overgrateful, generous. He blinds himself to the fact that in his heart of hearts he does not care much for others and tends to regard them as hypocritical and self-seeking. But—if I may use conscious terms for what goes on unconsciously—he persuades himself that he likes everyone, that they are all ‘nice’ and trustworthy, a fallacy which not only makes for heartbreaking disappointments but adds to his general insecurity…These qualities are not as valuable as they appear to the person himself, particularly since he does not consult his own feelings or judgment but gives blindly to others all that he is driven to want from them—and because he is profoundly disturbed if the returns fail to materialize.”

The other danger is that people of the tendency for moving toward others, can often be scapegoats. They readily take blame and become targets for the moving against types who need a fall guy. “Along with these attributes and overlapping them goes another lot, aimed at avoiding black looks, quarrels, competition. He tends to subordinate himself, takes second place, leaving the limelight to others; he will be appeasing, conciliatory, and—at least consciously—bears no grudge. Any wish for vengeance or triumph is so profoundly repressed that he himself often wonders at his being so easily reconciled and at his never harboring resentment for long. Important in this context is his tendency automatically to shoulder blame. Again quite regardless of his real feelings—that is, whether he really feels guilty or not—he will accuse himself rather than others and tend to scrutinize himself or be apologetic in the face of obviously unwarranted criticism or anticipated attack.”

Renfield being my fav in Dracula (1931) for 6 minutes and 44 seconds: https://youtu.be/OYSSB6QBBFU?si=vTnQDWRUpFQjvMvm

When people are out of balance, all the characteristics of the other types are repressed and denied. “Because any kind of aggressive behavior is taboo, we find here inhibitions in regard to being assertive, critical, demanding, giving orders, making an impression, striving for ambitious goals. Also, because his life is altogether oriented toward others, his inhibitions often prevent him from doing things for himself or enjoying things by himself. This may reach a point where any experience not shared with someone—whether a meal, a show, music, nature—becomes meaningless. Needless to say, such a rigid restriction on enjoyment not only impoverishes life but makes dependence on others all the greater…Apart from his idealization of the qualities just named, this type has certain characteristic attitudes toward himself. One is the pervasive feeling that he is weak and helpless—a ‘poor little me’ feeling. When left to his own resources he feels lost, like a boat loosed from its moorings. This helplessness is in part real; certainly the feeling that under no circumstances could one possibly fight or compete does promote actual weakness. Besides, he frankly admits his helplessness to himself and others. It may be dramatically emphasized in dreams as well. He often resorts to it as a means of appeal or defense: ‘You must love me, protect me, forgive me, not desert me, because I am so weak and helpless.'” We might add that some real circumstances exist where people are powerless, and so therapy would be at an impasse until conditions are changed to provide some leverage for the patient.

These beliefs colour perception and make people overestimate or underestimate opportunities and threats to their detriment. “A second characteristic grows out of his tendency to subordinate himself. He takes it for granted that everyone is superior to him, that they are more attractive, more intelligent, better educated, ‘more worthwhile than he.’ There is factual basis for this feeling in that his lack of assertiveness and firmness does impair his capacities; but even in fields where he is unquestionably able his feeling of inferiority leads him to credit the other fellow—regardless of his merit—with greater competence than his own. In the presence of aggressive or arrogant persons his sense of his own worthiness shrinks still more. However, even when alone his tendency is to undervalue not only his qualities, talents, and abilities but his material possessions as well…[There is an] unconscious tendency to rate himself by what others think of him. His self-esteem rises and falls with their approval or disapproval, their affection or lack of it. Hence any rejection is actually catastrophic for him. If someone fails to return an invitation he may be reasonable about it consciously, but in accordance with the logic of the particular inner world in which he lives, the barometer of his self-esteem drops to zero. In other words any criticism, rejection, or desertion is a terrifying danger, and he may make the most abject effort to win back the regard of the person who has thus threatened him. His offering of the other cheek is not occasioned by some mysterious ‘masochistic’ drive but is the only logical thing he can do on the basis of his inner premises.”

Deep preferences are created, much like Carl Jung’s concept of The Shadow, where there’s a splitting between extremes. Values promoted in a black and white way prevent any nuance or balance. “…[The] repression of opposing trends reinforces the dominant ones…[Those values] lie in the direction of goodness, sympathy, love, generosity, unselfishness, humility; while egotism, ambition, callousness, unscrupulousness, wielding of power are abhorred—though these attributes may at the same time be secretly admired because they represent ‘strength.'”

It becomes a skill for parents to not indulge temper tantrums while at the same time to try and raise an independent thinking child. If they are too docile at home it becomes difficult to advocate for oneself in the wider world if the skill was never developed in the first place. “A history will, for instance, frequently show temper tantrums up to the age of five or eight, disappearing then to give place to a general docility. Suffice it to say here that self-effacement and ‘goodness’ invite being stepped on and being taken advantage of; further, that dependence upon others makes for exceptional vulnerability, which in turn leads to a feeling of being neglected, rejected, and humiliated whenever the excessive amount of affection or approval demanded is not forthcoming.”

Once the character structure becomes a habit, to change creates enormous fear and resistance as if one’s own bodily survival is at risk when it’s only one’s ideas of oneself and internal premises, the basic anxiety. “…The person’s whole way of life would be endangered and his artificial unity exploded. And the more destructive the aggressive trends, the more stringent the necessity to exclude them. The individual will lean over backward never to appear to want anything for himself, never to refuse a request, always to like everyone, always to keep in the background, and so on. In other words, the compliant, appeasing trends are reinforced; they become more compulsive and less discriminate.”

Hostility does appear, but only in the skilled way of manipulation through passive aggressive behaviour. To integrate the aggression, it has to be done in a way that is fair to oneself and the people in the environment. It can’t just be a lashing out. People with the skills are assertive first before they become aggressive. It’s measured and fair. “The person will make demands ‘because he is so miserable’ or will secretly dominate under the guise of ‘loving.’ Accumulated repressed hostility may also appear in explosions of greater or less vehemence, ranging from occasional irritability to temper tantrums. These outbursts, while they do not fit into the picture of gentleness and mildness, appear to the individual himself as entirely justified. And according to his premises he is quite right. Not knowing that his demands upon others are excessive and egocentric, he cannot help feeling at times that he is so unfairly treated that he simply can’t stand it any longer. Finally, if the repressed hostility takes on the force of a blind fury, it may give rise to all kinds of functional disorders, like headaches or stomach ailments…Most of the characteristics of the compliant type thus have a double motivation. When he subordinates himself, for instance, it is in the interest of avoiding friction and thereby achieving harmony with others; but it may also be a means of eradicating all traces of his need to excel…The uncovering of aggressive drives is liberating, but it can easily be detrimental to the person’s development if the ‘liberation’ is regarded as an end in itself. It must be followed by a working through of the conflicts, if the personality is ultimately to be integrated.”

The common result is that true love is impossible in these relationships. They become parasitical.

Moving Against

The distorted point of view that everyone is nice, or should be nice, can also be distorted towards a view that everyone is evil. “Just as the compliant type clings to the belief that people are ‘nice,’ and is continually baffled by evidence to the contrary, so the aggressive type takes it for granted that everyone is hostile, and refuses to admit that they are not. To him life is a struggle of all against all, and the devil take the hindmost. Such exceptions as he allows are made reluctantly and with reservation. His attitude is sometimes quite apparent, but more often it is covered over with a veneer of suave politeness, fair-mindedness and good fellowship. This ‘front’ can represent a Machiavellian concession to expediency. As a rule, however, it is a composite of pretenses, genuine feelings, and neurotic needs. A desire to make others believe he is a good fellow may be combined with a certain amount of actual benevolence as long as there is no question in anybody’s mind that he himself is in command. There may be elements of a neurotic need for affection and approval, put to the service of aggressive goals. No such ‘front’ is necessary to the compliant type because his values coincide anyway with approved-of social or Christian virtues.”

The basic anxiety is a perceived survival threat, but the responses are all those alternative solutions used to numb pain. “To appreciate the fact that the needs of the aggressive type are just as compulsive as those of the compliant, we must realize that they are as much prompted by basic anxiety as his. This must be emphasized, because the component of fear, so evident in the latter, is never admitted or displayed by the type we are now considering. In him everything is geared toward being, becoming, or at least appearing tough…His needs stem fundamentally from his feeling that the world is an arena where, in the Darwinian sense, only the fittest survive and the strong annihilate the weak. What contributes most to survival depends largely on the civilization in which the person lives; but in any case, a callous pursuit of self-interest is the paramount law. Hence his primary need becomes one of control over others. Variations in the means of control are infinite. There may be an outright exercise of power, there may be indirect manipulation through oversolicitousness or putting people under obligation. He may prefer to be the power behind the throne. The approach may be by way of the intellect, implying a belief that by reasoning or foresight everything can be managed. His particular form of control depends partly on his natural endowments. Partly, it represents a fusion of conflicting trends. If, for instance, the person inclines at the same time toward detachment he will shun any direct domination because it brings him into too close contact with others. Indirect methods will also be preferred if there is much hidden need for affection. If his wish is to be the power behind the throne, the presence of sadistic trends is indicated, since it implies using others for the attainment of one’s goals.”

Just like the compliant type, the aggressive type is captured externally, even if they look for different signals for their pathological goals. Of course the goalposts keep moving because when you are one against the world, there’s always environments to master and control, while ascending the hierarchy of power. “He needs to excel, to achieve success, prestige, or recognition in any form. Strivings in this direction are partly oriented toward power, inasmuch as success and prestige lend power in a competitive society. But they also make for a subjective feeling of strength through outside affirmation, outside acclaim, and the fact of supremacy. Here as in the compliant type the center of gravity lies outside the person himself; only the kind of affirmation wanted from others differs. Factually the one is as futile as the other. When people wonder why success has failed to make them feel any less insecure, they only show their psychological ignorance, but the fact that they do so indicates the extent to which success and prestige are commonly regarded as yardsticks.”

What makes these types so good at attaining power is their lack of empathy for others. It’s easy to exploit, manipulate, and be suspicious of people when you feel they deserve it. There’s a constant need to show that there’s no fear residing in oneself. The rewards in society tend to be lopsided in this direction because it strongly connects to monetary rewards. Those who hire employees like to rely on someone who can command and take the reins, so to say, to reduce their workload. “A strong need to exploit others, to outsmart them, to make them of use to himself, is part of the picture. Any situation or relationship is looked at from the standpoint of ‘What can I get out of it?’—whether it has to do with money, prestige, contacts, or ideas. The person himself is consciously or semiconsciously convinced that everyone acts this way, and so what counts is to do it more efficiently than the rest. The qualities he develops are almost diametrically opposed to those of the compliant type. He becomes hard and tough, or gives that appearance. He regards all feelings, his own as well as others’, as ‘sloppy sentimentality.’ Love, for him, plays a negligible role. Not that he is never ‘in love’ or never has an affair or marries, but what is of prime concern is to have a mate who is eminently desirable, one through whose attractiveness, social prestige, or wealth he can enhance his own position. He sees no reason to be considerate of others. ‘Why should I care—let others take care of themselves.’ In terms of the old ethical problem of two persons on a raft only one of whom could survive, he would say that of course he’d try to save his own skin—not to would be stupid and hypocritical. He hates to admit fear of any kind and will find drastic ways of bringing it under control. He might, for instance, force himself to stay in an empty house although he is terrified of burglars; he might insist on riding horseback until he has overcome his fear of horses; he might intentionally walk through swamps where there are known to be snakes in order to rid himself of his terror of them.”

The Definition Of Evil – G.M. Gilbert: https://youtu.be/iJUiZZGe5vc?si=2_Y6UOL8uyYFfOLF

When it gets to the “anything for power” attitude, the aggressive type is more willing to lie and blame shift, especially when he or she thinks everyone else is doing the same thing. They feel they can just do it better than anyone else, as can be seen in national and world politics. “While the compliant type tends to appease, the aggressive type does everything he can to be a good fighter. He is alert and keen in an argument and will go out of his way to launch one for the sake of proving he is right. He may be at his best when his back is to the wall and there is no alternative but to fight. In contrast to the compliant type who is afraid to win a game, he is a bad loser and undeniably wants victory. He is just as ready to accuse others as the former is to take blame on himself. In neither case does the consideration of guilt play a role. The compliant type when he pleads guilty is by no means convinced that he is so, but is driven to appease. The aggressive type similarly is not convinced that the other fellow is wrong; he just assumes he is right because he needs this ground of subjective certainty in much the same way as an army needs a safe point from which to launch an attack. To admit an error when it is not absolutely necessary seems to him an unforgivable display of weakness, if not arrant foolishness.”

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly • Main Theme • Ennio Morricone: https://youtu.be/J9EZGHcu3E8?si=ZkysYKawY3u3hnU3

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly – The Danish National Symphony Orchestra (Live) – Sarah Hicks Conductor: https://youtu.be/enuOArEfqGo?si=0S5l1XXgjIRQwxaD

Any sense of morality, fairness, and spirituality is laughed at as being delusion. Real life is only a chess game of power and leverage. “It is consistent with his attitude of having to fight against a malevolent world that he should develop a keen sense of realism—of its kind. He will never be so ‘naïve’ as to overlook in others any manifestation of ambition, greed, ignorance, or anything else that might obstruct his own goals. Since in a competitive civilization attributes like these are much more common than real decency, he feels justified in regarding himself as only realistic. Actually, of course, he is just as one-sided as the compliant type. Another facet of his realism is his emphasis on planning and foresight. Like any good strategist, in every situation he is careful to appraise his own chances, the forces of his adversaries, and the possible pitfalls.”

What is so hard to see again, is the lack of an ability to play, love, and appreciate. Pleasure is mostly in admiration of power, getting one over on someone, climbing the ladder of power, chasing lucrative endeavors, and using leverage against everyone, including family. “Because he is driven always to assert himself as the strongest, shrewdest, or most sought after, he tries to develop the efficiency and resourcefulness necessary to being so. The zest and intelligence he puts into his work may make him a highly esteemed employee or a success in a business of his own. However, the impression he gives of having an absorbing interest in his work will in a sense be misleading, because for him work is only a means to an end. He has no love for what he is doing and takes no real pleasure in it—a fact consistent with his attempt to exclude feelings from his life altogether. This choking off of all feeling has a two-edged effect. On the one hand it is undoubtedly expedient from the standpoint of success in that it enables him to function like a well-oiled machine, untiringly producing the goods that will bring him ever more power and prestige. On the other hand the emotional barrenness that results from a throttling of feeling will do something to the quality of his work; certainly it is bound to detract from his creativity.”

Outside of the arena of money and power, only then do the weaknesses appear. The world from this point of view would be exhausting, lacking rest and rejuvenation. There are rewards in a private life that aren’t as showy and grandstanding, but involve emotions that most people feel is a sense of soul and the ability to be moved by beauty, love, appreciation, and an acceptance that life is mortal and will end. Like the Tuco character in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, he has abandoned spiritual treasure for worldly treasure in the graveyard of this world. Doing the sign of the cross is half-hearted because the Ecstasy of Gold is more convincing. Until the acceptance of death sinks in and a peacefulness increases, the allure becomes too powerful and the protagonist will jump through any hoops for mortal rewards. These cultural rewards are so powerful that everyone succumbs to them, but the Good is able to relinquish some of the allure and not debase himself totally, even if partially. “The aggressive type looks like an exquisitely uninhibited person. He can assert his wishes, he can give orders, express anger, defend himself. But actually he has no fewer inhibitions than the compliant type. It is not greatly to the credit of our civilization that his particular inhibitions do not, offhand, strike us as such. They lie in the emotional area and concern his capacity for friendship, love, affection, sympathetic understanding, disinterested enjoyment. The last he would set down as a waste of time…His feeling about himself is that he is strong, honest, and realistic, all of which is true if you look at things his way. According to his premises his estimate of himself is strictly logical, since to him ruthlessness is strength, lack of consideration for others, honesty, and a callous pursuit of one’s own ends, realism. His attitude on the score of his honesty comes partly from a shrewd debunking of current hypocrisies. Enthusiasm for a cause, philanthropic sentiments, and the like he sees as sheer pretense, and it is not hard for him to expose gestures of social consciousness or Christian virtue for what they so often are. His set of values is built around the philosophy of the jungle. Might makes right. Away with humaneness and mercy. Homo homini lupus [Man is a Wolf to Man]. Here we have values not very different from those with which the nazis have made us so familiar.”

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly – Ecstasy of Gold: https://youtu.be/ubVc2MQwMkg?si=-eTUVNHj1_5dZok_

In a world full of backstabbing, any friendliness is considered alien, or possibly a Trojan horse designed to weaken the strong. “There is subjective logic in the tendency of the aggressive type to reject real sympathy and friendliness as well as their counterfeits, compliance and appeasement. But it would be a mistake to assume that he cannot tell the difference. When he meets with an indubitably friendly spirit coupled with strength he is well able to recognize and respect it. The point is that he believes it to be against his interest to be too discriminating in this respect. Both attitudes strike him as liabilities in the battle for survival.”

Love is something that is fearful, often ridiculed as weakness, and something to hide. There are even feelings of disgust when love is brought up as the valent topic. The pleasure for those who move against is gaining power while the loving person appears to shrink smaller and provide the rationale as to why love is an unnecessary burden. At best, lust and sex devoid of love is the closest intimacy this type can generate. “Why, though, does he reject the softer human sentiments with such violence? Why is he likely to feel nauseated at the sight of affectionate behavior in others? Why is he so contemptuous when someone shows sympathy at what he considers the wrong moment? He acts like the man who chased beggars from his door because they were breaking his heart. He may indeed literally be abusive to beggars; he may refuse the simplest request with a vehemence quite out of proportion. Reactions like these are typical of him and can readily be observed as the aggressive trends become less rigid during analysis. Actually, his feelings on the score of ‘softness’ in others are mixed. He despises it in them, it is true, but he welcomes it as well, because it leaves him all the freer to pursue his own goals. Why else should he so often feel drawn toward the compliant type—just as the latter is so often drawn toward him? The reason his reaction is so extreme is that it is prompted by his need to fight all softer feelings within himself. Nietzsche gives us a good illustration of these dynamics when he has his superman see any form of sympathy as a sort of fifth column, an enemy operating from within. ‘Softness’ to this kind of person means not only genuine affection, pity, and the like but everything implicit in the needs, feelings, and standards of the compliant type.”

The closest thing to friendship is admiration, which can disappear at any sign of human weakness. It’s highly conditional and unreliable, especially when everyone around you also wants admiration. Can it be shared? Letting down one’s guard brings in character fears and resistances that threaten the ego’s unity. “The hope of fusing his divergent drives, which the compliant type places in love, is sought by the aggressive in recognition. To be recognized promises him not only the affirmation of himself he requires but holds out the additional lure of being liked by others and of being able in turn to like them. Since recognition thus appears to offer solution of his conflicts, it becomes the saving mirage he pursues…For the aggressive type any feeling of sympathy, or obligation to be ‘good,’ or attitude of compliance would be incompatible with the whole structure of living he has built up and would shake its foundations. Moreover, the emergence of these opposing tendencies would confront him with his basic conflict and so destroy the organization he has carefully nurtured—the organization for unity. The consequence will be that repression of the softer tendencies will reinforce the aggressive ones, making them all the more compulsive.”

Here we see that it’s not only internal conflicts that cause problems, but also deficits in one area support exaggerated tendencies in others.

Moving away

Similar to religious types, those who move away from others have given up on culture and are semi-dropouts. There’s a fear that if anything happens out of one’s control it will lead to more dependence, like health problems or things breaking down that need to be replaced. Wars, taxes and inflation can also be invasive to the point of destroying lives in every way possible: financial, family cohesion, and the loss of life itself. Of course, having economic growth so that people can afford things and still save would be a more realistic option where most can still spend so as to create those jobs that they already wanted in the first place to save their money. A balance between saving and spending can spread ownership with investments. Investments increase productivity and reduce prices by increasing the supply. Just as a person moving towards gets a parasitic reward, and those moving against enjoy a reward that is sadistic, people moving away enjoy reduced effort and a reduction of obligation. “A detached person may be capable of real enjoyment, but if enjoyment depends in any way on others he prefers to forego it. He can take pleasure in an occasional evening with a few friends but dislikes general gregariousness and social functions. Similarly, he avoids competition, prestige, and success. He is inclined to restrict his eating, drinking, and living habits and keeps them on a scale that will not require him to spend too much time or energy in earning the money to pay for them. He may bitterly resent illness, considering it a humiliation because it forces him to depend on others. He may insist on acquiring his knowledge of any subject at first hand: rather than take what others have said or written about Russia, for instance, or about this country if he is a foreigner, he will want to see or hear for himself. This attitude would make for splendid inner independence if it were not carried to absurd lengths, like refusing to ask directions when in a strange town.”

We’re not buying your CRAP anymore. The rebellion has begun… – Jacob Whelan: https://youtu.be/T-56EsjlkvY?si=WDRjybm-YQgJH3qg

The BUY NOTHING REBELLION has begun!…And it could change everything! – Timothy Ward: https://youtu.be/sF8OHp1XxRM?si=PcXat1oerts_Kfwz

In the opposite distinction with those moving toward those moving away enjoy doing things on their own. Enjoying with others opens the avoidant to those experiences to start feeling tainted. “A detached person may be extremely irritated if others take him ‘for granted’—it makes him feel he is being stepped on. As a rule he prefers to work, sleep, eat alone. In distinct contrast to the compliant type he dislikes sharing any experience—the other person might disturb him. Even when he listens to music, walks or talks with others, his real enjoyment only comes later, in retrospect…Self-sufficiency and privacy both serve his most outstanding need, the need for utter independence. He himself considers his independence a thing of positive value. And it undoubtedly has a value of sorts. For no matter what his deficiencies, the detached person is certainly no conforming automaton. His refusal blindly to concur, together with his aloofness from competitive struggle, does give him a certain integrity. The fallacy here is that he looks upon independence as an end in itself and ignores the fact that its value depends ultimately upon what he does with it. His independence, like the whole phenomenon of detachment of which it is a part, has a negative orientation; it is aimed at not being influenced, coerced, tied, obligated.”

Those who move away, feel constraints often more than others do and have a constant desire to escape. This need to escape makes long-term goals and self-discipline very difficult to achieve. To maintain independence, contrarians like this manipulate themselves by reverse psychology when they sabotage what’s in their own interest. “Like any other neurotic trend, the need for independence is compulsive and indiscriminate. It manifests itself in a hypersensitivity to everything in any way resembling coercion, influence, obligation, and so on. The degree of sensitivity is a good gauge of the intensity of the detachment. What is felt as constraint varies with the individual. Physical pressure from such things as collars, neckties, girdles, shoes may so be felt. Any obstruction of view may arouse the feeling of being hemmed in; to be in a tunnel or mine may produce anxiety. Sensitivity in this direction is not the full explanation of claustrophobia, but it is at any rate its background. Long-term obligations are if possible avoided: to sign a contract, to sign a lease for more than a year, to marry are difficult. Marriage for the detached person is of course a precarious proposition in any event because of the human intimacy involved—although a need for protection or a belief that the partner will completely fit in with his own peculiarities may mitigate the risk. Frequently there is an onset of panic before the consummation of marriage. Time in its inexorableness is for the most part felt as coercion; timetables constitute a threat; detached patients will enjoy the story of the man who refused to look at a timetable and went to the station whenever it happened to suit him, preferring to wait there for the next train. Other persons’ expecting him to do certain things or behave in a certain way makes him uneasy and rebellious, regardless of whether such expectations are actually expressed or merely assumed to exist. For example, he may ordinarily like to give presents, but will forget about birthday and Christmas presents because these are expected of him. To conform with accepted rules of behavior or traditional sets of values is repellent to him. He will conform outwardly in order to avoid friction, but in his own mind he stubbornly rejects all conventional rules and standards. Finally, advice is felt as domination and meets with resistance even when it coincides with his own wishes. Resistance in this case may also be linked with a conscious or unconscious wish to frustrate others.”

This need to isolate involves either having a lot of resources to do things for oneself, to fix things, and problem solve to a high degree, but when those skills are absent there can be breakdowns where the hermit has to rejoin society, often like experiencing an unpleasant cold shower or inhaling a revolting smell. “The need to feel superior, although common to all neuroses, must be stressed here because of its intrinsic association with detachment. The expressions ‘ivory tower’ and ‘splendid isolation’ are evidence that even in common parlance, detachment and superiority are almost invariably linked. Probably nobody can stand isolation without either being particularly strong and resourceful or feeling uniquely significant. This is corroborated by clinical experience. When the detached person’s feeling of superiority is temporarily shattered, whether by a concrete failure or an increase of inner conflicts, he will be unable to stand solitude and may reach out frantically for affection and protection.”

Ken Smith’s Life Of Solitude | The Hermit of Treig | BBC Scotland: https://youtu.be/BwUockt4D28?si=wQQVNe_gV9vyxbhb

Alison Krauss & Robert Plant Perform “Quattro (World Drifts In)” | CMT Crossroads: https://youtu.be/FZEHb9eBzgc?si=VNwCvZM5zAKjeVcE

Reverting to Freud’s views of phylogenetic sources for neurosis, the isolated weren’t always that way, and most likely there were experiences of repeated disappointment in social exchange. “In his teens or early twenties he may have had a few rather lukewarm friendships, but lived on the whole a fairly isolated life, feeling comparatively at ease. He would weave fantasies of a future when he would accomplish exceptional things. But later these dreams were shipwrecked on the rocks of reality. Though in high school he had had undisputed claim to first place, in college he ran up against serious competition and recoiled from it. His first attempts at love relationships failed. Or he realized as he grew older that his dreams were not materializing. Aloofness then became unbearable and he was consumed by a compulsive drive for human intimacy, for sexual relations, for marriage. He was willing to submit to any indignity, if only he were loved. When such a person comes for analytical treatment, his detachment, though still pronounced and obvious, cannot be tackled. All he wants at first is help to find love in one form or another. Only when he feels considerably stronger does he discover with immense relief that he would much rather ‘live alone and like it.’ The impression is that he has merely reverted to his former detachment. But actually it is a matter of being now for the first time on solid enough ground to admit—even to himself—that isolation is what he wants.”

Fantasies of success still lurk in the background but they can only be enjoyed in fantasy because it can be protected there from the challenges of reality. “Abhorring competitive struggle, he does not want to excel realistically through consistent effort. He feels rather that the treasures within him should be recognized without any effort on his part; his hidden greatness should be felt without his having to make a move. In his dreams, for instance, he may picture stores of treasure hidden away in some remote village which connoisseurs come from far to see. Like all notions of superiority this contains an element of reality. The hidden treasure symbolizes his intellectual and emotional life which he guards within the magic circle.”

Trying to be different indicates a desire to feel superior, at least morally, because the system is designed to bring him down. “Another way his sense of superiority expresses itself is in his feeling of his own uniqueness. This is a direct outgrowth of his wanting to feel separate and distinct from others. He may liken himself to a tree standing alone on a hilltop, while the trees in the forest below are stunted by those about them. Where the compliant type looks at his fellow man with the silent question, ‘Will he like me?’—and the aggressive type wants to know, ‘How strong an adversary is he?’ or ‘Can he be useful to me?’—the detached person’s first concern is, ‘Will he interfere with me? Will he want to influence me or will he leave me alone?’ The emotional life of the detached person does not follow as strict a pattern as that of the other types described. Individual variations are greater in his case, chiefly because in contradistinction to the other two, whose predominant trends are directed toward positive goals—affection, intimacy, love in the one; survival, domination, success in the other—his goals are negative: he wants not to be involved, not to need anybody, not to allow others to intrude on or influence him…There is a general tendency to suppress all feeling, even to deny its existence.”

The value of sublimation comes to the forefront for Karen because of the danger of losing a place for satisfaction in all areas of one’s life because the danger is perceived to be interconnected with joining the world. Because there are pathological rewards to all these lifestyles, there is some reason behind people wanting to drop out of society or “live off the grid,” so to say. “It does not necessarily follow that feeling will be suppressed in areas outside human relationships and become active in the realm of books, animals, nature, art, food, and so on. But there is considerable danger of this. For a person capable of deep and passionate emotion it may be impossible to suppress only one sector of his feelings—and that the most crucial—without going the whole length of suppressing feeling altogether…The suppression of feeling may go beyond the sphere of human relationships. Any desire, interest, or enjoyment that might make the detached person dependent upon others is viewed as treachery from within and may be checked on that account. It is as if every situation had to be carefully tested from the standpoint of a possible loss of freedom before feeling could be allowed full play. Any threat of dependence will cause him to withdraw emotionally. But when he finds a situation quite safe in this regard he can enjoy it to the full. Thoreau’s Walden is a good illustration of the profound emotional experience possible under these conditions. The lurking fear of either becoming too attached to a pleasure or of its infringing upon his freedom indirectly will sometimes make him verge on the ascetic. But it is an asceticism of its own kind—not oriented toward self-denial or self-torture. We might rather call it a self-discipline which—accepting the premises—is not lacking in wisdom.”

Like in Karen’s difficult relationship with Erich Fromm, and possibly a similar view that Fromm may have had of Karen, independent people want to get from others much more than they give so as to achieve their goals while not getting sidetracked with demands for reciprocity or the sacrifice of time to take turns towards important goals. If there are not enough common goals to work together on, then the relationship partner reverts to the appearance as that of a saboteur. “In view of all we have said about the detached person’s human relationships it will be clear that any close and lasting relation would be bound to jeopardize his detachment and hence would be likely to be disastrous—unless the partner should be equally detached and so of his own accord respect the need for distance, or unless he is able and willing for other reasons to adapt himself to such needs. A Solveig who in loving devotion patiently awaits Peer Gynt’s return is the ideal partner. Solveig expects nothing from him. Expectations on her part would frighten him as much as would loss of control over his own feelings. Mostly he is unaware of how little he himself gives, and he believes he has bestowed his unexpressed and unlived feelings, so precious to himself, upon the partner. Provided emotional distance is sufficiently guaranteed, he may be able to preserve a considerable measure of enduring loyalty. He may be capable of having intense short-lived relationships, relationships in which he appears and vanishes. They are brittle, and any number of factors may hasten his withdrawal…Sexual relationships may mean inordinately much to him as a bridge to others. He will enjoy them if they are transitory and do not interfere with his life. They should be confined, as it were, to the compartment set aside for such affairs. On the other hand he may have cultivated indifference to so great a degree that it permits of no trespassing. Then wholly imaginary relationships may be substituted for real ones.”

Cultural Psychoanalysis: Karen Horney Pt. 5: https://rumble.com/v700dgu-cultural-psychoanalysis-karen-horney-pt.-5.html

Lucia Popp: Solveig’s Song (Peer Gynt – Grieg): https://youtu.be/6cD21oQiMR8?si=UeMmdkAZAwCp-gUK

Analysis then becomes another threat to independence. It can generate feelings of coercion where the therapist is just another cultural saboteur trying to invade the fortress. “All the peculiarities we have described appear in the analytical process. Naturally, the detached person resents analysis because indeed it is the greatest possible intrusion upon his private life. But he is also interested in observing himself and may be fascinated by the greater vista it opens upon the intricate processes going on within him. He may be intrigued by the artistic quality of dreams or by the aptness of his inadvertent associations. His joy in finding confirmation for assumptions resembles the scientist’s. He is appreciative of the analyst’s attention and of his pointing to something here and there, but abominates being urged or ‘forced’ in a direction he has not foreseen. He will often mention the danger of suggestion in analysis—although factually there is less danger of this in his case than for any other type, because he is fully armed against ‘influence.'”

Here one can see the connection with Eastern meditation and Karen will at some point try to find common ground between Buddhism and Psychoanalysis. If one feels true peace and well-being, contemplation can easily be treated as a permanent lifestyle. This is especially true in corrupt societies where success is mainly garnered, not through hard work, but through unethical means. “The gains to be derived from detachment are indeed considerable. It is significant that in all oriental philosophies detachment is sought as a basis for high spiritual development. Of course we cannot compare such aspirations with those of neurotic detachment. There detachment is voluntarily chosen as the best approach to self-fulfillment and is adopted by persons who could, if they wanted, live a different kind of life; neurotic detachment, on the other hand, is not a matter of choice but of inner compulsion, the only possible way of living…But in a society in which there is much hypocrisy, crookedness, envy, cruelty and greed, the integrity of a none too strong person easily suffers; keeping at a distance helps to maintain it. Furthermore, since neurosis usually robs a person of his peace of mind, detachment may provide an avenue of serenity, its extent varying with the amount of sacrifice he is willing to make.”

Meditation in Daily Life Pt. 3: https://rumble.com/v6z2b1m-meditation-in-daily-life-pt.-3.html

The difficulty for these types is to see a positive tradeoff between letting down their guard and taking seriously their potentialities by trying to make them as actual as possible. “The task of therapy, therefore, is to make the patient aware of his idealized image in all its detail, to assist him in gradually understanding all its functions and subjective values, and to show him the suffering that it inevitably entails. He will then start to wonder whether the price is not too high. But he can relinquish the image only when the needs that have created it are considerably diminished…We have seen how all the pretenses to which a neurotic resorts in order to bridge the gap between his real self and his idealized image serve in the end only to widen it. But because the image is of such tremendous subjective value he must continue unremittingly to try to come to terms with it.”

Projection, or externalization as Karen calls it, is one of the main defenses that give reason for one to want to drop out of society. The partial-illusion that everything is the fault of society has to be tested so as to see how far one can go with skill development before a real gatekeeping experience is encountered, especially one that is impossible to get around. There certainly are gatekeepers in society and climbing the success and influence ladder involves facing those kinds of politics. There are still avenues for people to occupy lucrative positions in society if they are open to a variety of jobs. By avoiding bottlenecks that guarantee gatekeeping experiences, only then has there been a true test of what’s possible. An experimental attitude also allows for acceptance that certain places are hyped beyond what one would actually want when the reality unmistakably reveals itself. All jobs, positions, careers, etc., have drawbacks and being open to what’s actually available can help a patient move away from the false ideal-self. “When I call this attempt externalization I am defining the tendency to experience internal processes as if they occurred outside oneself and, as a rule, to hold these external factors responsible for one’s difficulties. It has in common with idealization the purpose of getting away from the real self. But while the process of retouching and recreating the actual personality remains, as it were, within the precincts of self, externalization means abandoning the territory of self altogether. To put it simply, a person can take refuge from his basic conflict in his idealized image; but when discrepancies between the actual self and the idealized one reach a point where tensions become unbearable, he can no longer resort to anything within himself. The only thing left then is to run away from himself entirely and see everything as if it lay outside.”

Investigating projection requires a lot of unearthing of many unconscious attitudes. One of the methods is to examine one’s worldview and see if any of that blame could be attributed to oneself and if responsibility has been shifted too much to others. It’s also easier to see projections coming from others than seeing our own. This is because people have made guesses about you that often tell you more about that person’s experiences of past acquaintances and associations, and their guesses are seen to be totally false as if they are talking about someone else, because they are. “Some of the phenomena that occur here are covered by the term projection, meaning the objectifying of personal difficulties. As commonly applied, projection means the shifting of blame and responsibility to someone else for subjectively rejected trends or qualities, such as suspecting others of one’s own tendencies toward betrayal, ambition, domination, self-righteousness, meekness, and so on. In this sense the term is perfectly acceptable. Externalization, however, is a more comprehensive phenomenon; the shifting of responsibility is only a part of it. Not only one’s faults are experienced in others but to a greater or less degree all feelings. A person who tends to externalize may be profoundly disturbed by the oppression of small countries, while unaware of how much he himself feels oppressed. He may not feel his own despair but will emotionally experience it in others. What is particularly important in this connection, he is unaware of his own attitudes toward himself; he will, for example, feel that someone else is angry with him when he actually is angry with himself. Or he will be conscious of anger at others that in reality he directs at himself. Further, he will ascribe not only his disturbances but also his good moods or achievements to external factors. While his failures will be seen as the decree of fate, his successes will be [attributed to luck], his high spirits to the weather, and so on.”

These projections can ironically be a self-imposed limit on what one is capable of, despite the patient’s attempts to be as independent as possible: an External Locus of Control. “When a person feels that his life for good or ill is determined by others, it is only logical that he should be preoccupied with changing them, reforming them, punishing them, protecting himself from their interference, or impressing them. In this way externalization makes for dependence upon others—a dependence, however, quite different from that created by a neurotic need for affection. It also makes for overdependence upon external circumstances. Whether the person lives in the city or the suburbs, whether he keeps this or that diet, goes to bed early or late, serves on this or that committee, assumes undue importance. He thus acquires the characteristics that Jung calls extraversion. But while Jung regards extraversion as a one-sided development of constitutionally given trends, I see it as the result of trying to remove unsolved conflicts by externalization.”

Like Anna Freud, Karen Horney warned of the energy drain involved in psychological defenses. Many of the reasons why people feel they don’t have the energy to accomplish things is because their energy is wasted in internal conflict. “Living with unresolved conflicts involves primarily a devastating waste of human energies, occasioned not only by the conflicts themselves but by all the devious attempts to remove them. When a person is basically divided he can never put his energies wholeheartedly into anything but wants always to pursue two or more incompatible goals. This means that he will either scatter his energies or actively frustrate his efforts.”

Ego Psychology: Anna Freud Pt. 4-1: https://rumble.com/v6j1vmm-ego-psychology-anna-freud-pt.-4-1.html

Internal conflict can definitely come from incompatible goals, but being addicted to an ideal self will always divide the soul because no real actions could measure up to a perfect Platonic ideal. “Of more general relevance is the frustration of a single pursuit where incompatible motivations block each other. A man may want to be a good friend but be so domineering and demanding that his potentialities in this direction are never realized. Another wants his children to get on in the world, but his drive for personal power and his insistent rightness interfere. Someone wants to write a book but gets a splitting headache or is seized with a deadly fatigue whenever he cannot immediately formulate what he wants to say. In this instance it is again the idealized image that is responsible: since he is the mastermind, why shouldn’t brilliant thoughts flow from his pen like rabbits from a magician’s hat? And when they do not, he bursts with rage at himself. Someone else may have an idea of real value that he wants to present at a meeting. But he wishes not only to express it in a way that will be impressive and put others in the shade; he also wants to be liked and to avoid antagonizing, and at the same time anticipates ridicule because of the externalization of his self-contempt. The result is that he cannot think at all and the pertinent thought he might have produced never reaches fruition. Still another could be a good organizer but by reason of his sadistic trends antagonizes everyone around him. It is hardly necessary to give further examples because all of us can find plenty of them if we look at ourselves and those about us.”

Even when people appear maniacally focused outwardly, onlookers need to be aware that they may still have internal conflicts that are not apparent at first. For example, they may be also following a goal that was supposed to be a salve for their inner conflicts, but is instead a result of that conflict. “There is an apparent exception to this lack of clear direction. Sometimes neurotic persons show a curious single-mindedness of purpose: men may sacrifice everything including their own dignity to their ambition; women may want nothing of life but love; parents may devote their entire interest to their children. Such persons give the impression of wholeheartedness. But, as we have shown, they are actually pursuing a mirage which appears to offer a solution of their conflicts. The apparent wholeheartedness is one of desperation rather than of integration.”

Free association demonstrates for the patient their spontaneous content arising from the mind in real time. Being sensitive to impulses that need skill development is a way to increase intrinsic motivation and to connect suppressed aspects of the personality with real goals, finally. “There is the eclipse of whole areas of the personality due to the suppression of parts of the basic conflict. The parts eclipsed are still sufficiently active to interfere, but they cannot be put to constructive use. The process thus constitutes a loss of energy that might otherwise be used for self-assertion, for cooperation, or for establishing good human relationships. There is, to mention only one other factor, the alienation from self that robs a person of his motor force. He can still be a good worker, he may even be able to make a considerable effort when put under external pressure, but he collapses when left to his own resources. This does not only mean that he cannot do anything constructive or enjoyable with his free time; it means nothing less than that all his creative forces may go to waste.”

Even without free association, one can monitor “indecisiveness. It may be prevalent in everything, from trifles to matters of greatest personal importance. There may be an endless wavering whether to eat this dish or that, whether to buy this or that suitcase, whether to go to the movies or listen to the radio. It may be impossible to decide on a career or on any step within a career; to decide between two women; to decide whether or not to get a divorce; whether to die or to live. A decision that must be made and that would be irrevocable is a real ordeal and may leave a person panic-stricken and exhausted.”

This kind of indecisiveness and unconscious behaviour can show up in unmistakable ways in relationships between these types. The compliant type’s need for protection and care can draw them to the aggressive type’s confidence and assertiveness. The aggressive type, in turn, may enjoy the compliant’s admiration and submission. But this is a fragile balance—admiration can turn to resentment if the compliant feels exploited or the aggressive feels smothered. The compliant may pursue the detached person’s calmness and self-possession, reading it as emotional strength. The detached may initially find the compliant’s warmth soothing. But over time, the compliant may feel abandoned, and the detached may feel crowded. The aggressive type may chase the detached one for the challenge—the only person they can’t dominate. The detached person might admire the aggressive’s vitality or success. Yet this pairing often burns out once the aggressive grows frustrated by distance or the detached retreats from intensity.

• The compliant fears rejection → seeks reassurance.

• The aggressive fears helplessness → seeks control.

• The detached fears entrapment → seeks distance.

Their patterns can fit together like puzzle pieces that temporarily soothe, yet ultimately reinforce each other’s insecurity.

Horney’s “moving toward/against/away” types, their basic anxieties arise from a defensive effort to secure safety and self-worth. But when a person becomes self-aware and accepts their real feelings and needs, they begin to act from what Horney called the “real self” rather than the “idealized self.” The relationships go from destruction towards construction where both partners can develop in healthy ways, which excludes enabling, neglect, or abuse.

Facing conditionality

The rubber meets the road when therapy finally exposes the character structure and how maladaptive to reality it is. Because these three particular structures are rigid and resistant to change, which are an early form of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), knowledge is not enough. “How can it be done? There is only one way: the conflicts can resolved only by changing those conditions within the personality that brought them into being…Is it enough if one sees one’s basic conflict? The answer is clearly, no…It may bring a certain relief in that the patient begins to see a tangible reason for his troubles instead of simply being lost in a mysterious haze; but he cannot apply it to his life.”

I Know There’s An Answer – The Beach Boys: https://youtu.be/9TfUo2Pg0Sg?si=lM7NRbKDXiy-IU4G

The difficulty resides in lifelong coping mechanisms that appear as a necessity. Making these big changes feels foreign and is counter to many of the cultural rewards and punishments that have been doled out for the entire existence of these patients. “…A child may find himself in a situation that threatens his inner freedom, his spontaneity, his feeling of security, his self-confidence—in short the very core of his psychic existence. He feels isolated and helpless, and as a result his first attempts to relate himself to others are determined not by his real feelings but by strategic necessities. He cannot simply like or dislike, trust or distrust, express his wishes or protest against those of others, but has automatically to devise ways to cope with people and to manipulate them with minimum damage to himself. The fundamental characteristics that evolve in this way may be summarized as an alienation from the self and others, a feeling of helplessness, a pervasive apprehensiveness, and a hostile tension in his human relations that ranges from general wariness to definite hatred…As long as these conditions persist, the neurotic cannot possibly dispense with any of his conflicting drives. On the contrary, the inner necessities from which they stem become even more stringent in the course of the neurotic development. The fact that the pseudo solutions increase the disturbance in his relations with others and with himself means that a real solution becomes less and less attainable…The goal of therapy, therefore, can only be to change the conditions themselves. The neurotic must be helped to retrieve himself, to become aware of his real feelings and wants, to evolve his own set of values, and to relate himself to others on the basis of his feelings and convictions. If we could achieve this by some magic, the conflicts would be dispelled without their having even to be touched upon. As there is no magic, we must know what steps have to be taken to bring about the desired change.”

Necessity is what the basic anxiety is about. Until all the conflicts are brought into relief, can then the old defense mechanisms begin to appear to the patient as outdated and ineffectual. “Since every neurosis—no matter how dramatic and seemingly impersonal the symptoms—is a character disorder, the task of therapy is to analyze the entire neurotic character structure. Hence the more clearly we can define this structure and its individual variations, the more precisely can we delineate the work to be done. If we conceive of neurosis as a protective edifice built around the basic conflict, the analytical work can roughly be divided into two parts. One part is to examine in detail all the unconscious attempts at solution that the particular patient has undertaken, together with their effect on his whole personality. This would include studying all the implications of his predominant attitude, his idealized image, his externalization, and so specific on, without taking into consideration their relationship to the underlying conflicts…It would be misleading to assume that one cannot understand and work at these factors before the conflicts have come into focus, for although they have grown out of the need to harmonize the conflicts, they have a life of their own, carrying their own weight and wielding their own power.”

The contradictions in the character disorder force decisiveness and priorities on the patient so that the energy wasted is now more apparent. The consequences in energy loss led to those symptoms in the first place. “The other part covers the work with the conflicts themselves. This would mean not only bringing the patient to an awareness of their general outline but helping him to see how they operate in detail—that is, how his incompatible drives and the attitudes that stem from them interfere with one another in specific instances: how, for example, a need to subordinate himself, reinforced by inverted sadism, hinders him from winning a game or excelling in competitive work, while at the same time his drive to triumph over others makes victory a compelling necessity; or how asceticism, stemming from a variety of sources, interferes with a need for sympathy, affection, and self-indulgence. We would have to show him also how he shuttles between extremes: how, for instance, he alternates between being overstrict with himself and overlenient; or how his externalized demands upon himself, reinforced perhaps by sadistic drives, clash with his need to be omniscient and all-forgiving, and how in consequence he wavers between condemning and condoning everything the other fellow does; or how he veers between arrogating all rights to himself and feeling he has no rights at all…This part of the analytical work would encompass, furthermore, the interpretation of all the impossible fusions and compromises the patient is trying to make, such as trying to combine egocentricity with generosity, conquest with affection, domination with sacrifice. It would include helping him to understand exactly how his idealized image, his externalization, and so on have served to spirit away his conflicts, to camouflage them and to mitigate their disruptive force. In sum, it entails bringing the patient to a thorough understanding of his conflicts—their general effect on his personality and their specific responsibility for his symptoms.”

Resistances continue as long as the patient feels that these therapeutic solutions are inferior and in some ways the therapy results will now be tested against the culture after the sessions are over. The patient’s success will make him or her an authentic being that behaves congruent to their values and is able to advocate for him or herself. They have to find a new place in culture where this can be welcomed. Not an easy task. “On the whole, the patient offers a different sort of resistance in each of these sections of analytical work. While his attempts at solution are being analyzed he is bent on defending the subjective values inherent in his attitudes and trends, and so fights any insight into their real nature. During the analysis of his conflicts he is primarily interested in proving that his conflicts are not conflicts at all, and therefore blurs and minimizes the fact that his particular drives are really incompatible…An interpretation should be profitable, and it should not be harmful. In other words the two questions an analyst must have in mind are: Can the patient stand a particular insight at this time? and, Is an interpretation likely to have meaning for him and to set him thinking in a constructive way? What we still lack are tangible criteria of precisely what a patient can stand and what is conducive to stimulating constructive insight. The structural differences from one patient to another are too great to permit of any dogmatic prescriptions in regard to the timing of interpretations, but we can take as a guide the principle that certain problems cannot be tackled profitably and without undue risk until particular changes have taken place in the patient’s attitudes.”

If there’s a fear of missing out fueling the current pathological strategies, then a new fear of missing out has to recognize that better strategies have been abandoned to the detriment of the patient. The analysand has to see this before any volition on his part is to be expected. “It is useless to confront a patient with any major conflict as long as he is bent on pursuing phantoms that to him mean salvation. He must see first that these pursuits are futile and interfere with his life. In highly condensed terms, the attempts at solution should be analyzed prior to the conflicts. I do not mean that any mention of conflicts should be assiduously avoided. How cautious the approach needs to be depends on the brittleness of the whole neurotic structure. Some patients may be thrown into a panic if their conflicts are pointed out to them prematurely. For others it will have no meaning, will simply slide off without making any impression. But logically one cannot expect the patient to have any vital interest in his conflicts as long as he clings to his particular solutions and unconsciously counts on ‘getting by’ with them.”

The patient is likely to be in an ongoing analysis that has taken quite a considerable amount of time, because until new skills are developed to replace the old defense mechanisms, it’s not likely that any self-efficacy or self-esteem will be strong enough to embark on a new path. New skills help the patient see that there were and there are other pathways to follow. It cannot simply be that others can do it. The patient has to see and witness his own potentialities being explored in the only reality that allows them to be explored. “Another subject to be broached gingerly is the idealized image. Caution is advisable, since the idealized image is often the only part of the patient that is real to him. It may be, what is more, the only element that provides him with a kind of self-esteem and that keeps him from drowning in self-contempt. The patient must have gained a measure of realistic strength before he can tolerate any undermining of his image…To work at sadistic trends at an early period in the analysis is sure to be unprofitable. The reason lies, in part, in the extreme contrast these trends present to the idealized image. Even at a later period awareness of them often fills the patient with terror and disgust. But there is a more precise reason for postponing this piece of analysis until the patient has become less hopeless and more resourceful: he cannot possibly be interested in overcoming his sadistic trends while he is still unconsciously convinced that vicarious living is the only thing left to him.”

How to gain Flow in 7 steps: https://rumble.com/v1gvked-how-to-gain-flow-in-7-steps.html

The work is cut out for the therapist, and now it appears that only an exhaustive and conscientious analysis will be able to make any dent in the character structure. The patient has to grow with the analysis. It’s not a one and done short therapy and the patient has to have made strides in their personal life strategy and actions to prove to him or her that potentials are real. “Sometimes the scope of what can be tackled at the beginning is very limited. This is so in particular when a high degree of externalization is combined with a rigid self-idealization—a position that will countenance no flaws. If certain signs reveal this condition to the analyst, he will save much time by avoiding all interpretations that even remotely imply that the source of the patient’s trouble lies within himself. However, it may be feasible at this period to touch on particular aspects of the idealized image, such as the inordinate demands the patient makes upon himself…The same guide to the timing of interpretations can be employed when its individual application depends upon the particular character structure. For example, with a patient in whom aggressive trends predominate—one who despises feelings as a weakness and acclaims with everything that gives the appearance of strength—this attitude with all its implications must be worked through first. It would be a mistake to give precedence to any aspect of his need for human intimacy, no matter how obvious this need was to the analyst. The patient would resent any move of this kind as a threat to his security. He would feel that he must be on his guard against the analyst’s wish to make him a ‘goody-goody.’ Only when he is much stronger will he be able to tolerate his tendencies toward compliance and self-effacement. With this patient one would also have to steer clear for some time of the problem of hopelessness, since he would be likely to resist admitting any such feeling. Hopelessness for him would have the connotation of loathsome self-pity and mean a disgraceful confession of defeat. Conversely, if compliant trends predominate, all the factors involved in ‘moving toward’ people must be thoroughly worked through before any dominating or vindictive tendencies can be tackled. Again, if a patient sees himself as a great genius or a great lover, it would be a complete waste of time to approach his fear of being despised and rejected, and even more futile to tackle his self-contempt.”

The free associations point to what has been stifled by the character structure and expose the layers of armour, now penetrated by therapeutic exploration. Those potentialities have to appear to the patient as something dormant inside himself and not truly alien. External boundaries are reality tested to dispel illusions, but also real boundaries have to be accepted. “Familiarity with the dynamics of the neurotic character structure also helps the analyst to grasp more quickly and more concisely just what the patient wants to express by his associations and hence what ought to be dealt with at the moment. He will be able to visualize and predict from seemingly insignificant indications one whole aspect of the patient’s personality, and so can direct his attention to the elements to watch for.” What blind alleys and dead ends are chosen over more growth fulfilling paths? “It will be clear from everything that has been said that one can never exhaust a problem through a single approach; it must be returned to again and again from various angles.”

When the patient begins to question him or herself, that’s when resistances start to weaken and progress is finally witnessed. For example, if a person has trouble with others, they have to see the reciprocity they are involved in. Are they giving as much as they are taking? In order to give, doesn’t there have to be some compliance on the part of the patient? In order to take from society, wouldn’t others have to comply to provide what the patient wanted? “When he recognized the futility of withdrawing, and saw that there was no way out but to change his attitude, he became interested in the question of why mutuality was so unacceptable to him. The associations that appeared immediately thereafter indicated that emotionally he saw only the alternative of having all rights or no rights whatever. He voiced an apprehension that if he should concede any rights he would never be able to do what he wanted but would invariably have to comply with the wishes of others. This in turn opened up the whole field of his compliant and self-effacing trends which, although they had hitherto been touched upon, had never been seen in their full depth and significance. For a number of reasons his compliance and dependence were so great that he had had to build up the artificial defense of arrogating all rights exclusively to himself. To abandon the defense at a time when his compliance was still a stringent inner necessity would have meant to submerge himself as an individual. Before he could even consider a change in his arbitrary settlement the compliant trends had to be worked through.”

Instead of expanding one’s self-interest overtop of the boundaries of others, the three character disorder types have a chance to learn the skill of negotiation.

Our Inner Conflicts – Karen Horney: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780393001334/