Neurosis and Character
In keeping with Karen Horney’s view to look at not just childhood events to explain adult behavior, she wanted to make a connection between character and neurosis. Neuroticism is not just the manifestation of negative emotions, though it does contain those, but it leaves the patient with “…character trends of a particular nature, the sum total of which interferes with the individual’s proper functioning under given external conditions and thereby interferes with his happiness. As a result of these trends, his relationships with people are handicapped by a greater number of fears and hostilities than is warranted by the environment; he does not develop his potentialities as fully as he could under given conditions; his work is less effective, less successful, and, particularly, less creative than it might otherwise be; his capacities to assert himself and to enjoy whatever life offers him are impaired.”
Because culture is about imitation, each culture has it’s own mix of traits that make what is “neurotic” unique to a specific culture and it may not be applicable in another. “For instance…a compulsive perfectionism would strike no one as a problem in a rigidly puritanical group. This approach to neuroses is valuable because it shows that the evaluation of a phenomenon such as ‘illness’ is dependent on social factors. It prevents us from making naïve generalizations and value judgments. The limitations of this definition lie in that it necessarily deals with manifest behavior only and disregards the underlying processes. It does not and cannot give us any insight into the factors operating in these processes. It does not take into account the fact that people may be adapted to environmental requirements and yet suffer from severe psychic disturbances…Moreover, [it] entails the danger of using a deceptive measuring rod concerning the value of such deviations. It enhances the temptation to regard the statistically average as right or superior, and neurotic manifestations as wrong or inferior. But it may be that a ‘problem child’ who rebels against parental encroachments is essentially right and that the ‘well-adapted’ parents are essentially wrong. It may be that a person who rebels against seeing the meaning of life in the acquisition of prestige and wealth has a better and deeper feeling for the values of life than has a society advocating these goals.”
Neuroses for Karen are responses to trauma that makes one lose trust in the world and maladaptation becomes the hallmark of adult habit. “From a clinical viewpoint I would regard neuroses—chronic neuroses—as an attempt to cope with life under difficult internal conditions. In the center of these difficulties is a diffuse basic anxiety toward life in general. Such an anxiety—Urangst—is a fundamental human phenomenon. The basic anxiety of the so-called neurotic is more intense than is warranted by the environment for two main reasons. Owing to a combination of adverse influences in his childhood, he feels more isolated and more helpless toward the tasks and dangers of life. And likewise, owing to his early experiences, his anxiety is not only related to dangers of a more impersonal kind—illness, accidents, social or political vicissitudes, frightening events of nature—but in addition is specifically related to the hostilities of people around him, hostilities which he dimly senses as a permanent potential menace.”
In Karen Horney and Character Disorder, by Irving Solomon, he defines basic anxiety as what happens when one anticipates a danger, which leads to moving against, towards, or away from people defensively, and manifest anxiety arises when these defenses fail. “…Character disorder is the manifestation of a pattern of personality traits fueled by basic anxiety expressed through an individual’s idiosyncratic self…the real self, alienation from self, ‘shoulds,’ idealized image [hopelessness], self-hate, claims (whether valid or invalid?), pride, anxiety, and conflicts…Basic anxiety, defined by Horney [is] a ‘feeling of being isolated and helpless in a world conceived as potentially hostile.’ Basic anxiety results broadly in three possible moves. The individual may become excessively dependent on the most forceful person around him; he may become defiant and oppositional; or he may draw a ‘wall’ around himself and become guarded…Horney defines basic anxiety as a belief that one is inferior, unimportant, abandoned, and constantly put in jeopardy. Consequently, the world is perceived as determined to deceive, wrong, abandon, assault, and begrudge.”
Children grow up with lots of dreams of what they want to do in life, but once they experience politics in the world of school, higher education, and the workplace, they may not be able to respond appropriately to challenges and then the defense mechanisms take them away. “I am thinking roughly of all those environmental attitudes and types of behavior which impair a child’s capacity to assert himself and to fight and thereby render him helpless, which elicit a feeling of isolation, which provoke hostility, which in effect tend to crush the child’s individuality. In this situation the child must find ways of dealing with the environment and of preserving the integrity of his own self. He develops trends which are subtly adapted to meet the particular difficulties with which he is confronted. Their main objective is not only to attain a measure of safety in life but also to find certain satisfactions attainable within the limits set by his overwhelming need for safety. It is their protective function which gives these ‘neurotic trends’ their peculiar character of rigidity and which leads to their indiscriminate application. If for any reason the neurotic trends fail to operate, manifest anxiety may arise…Mention may be made of a few of such neurotic trends frequent in our culture: to ward off one’s real self and to overadapt one’s self to environmental standards to such an extent as to become unassailable; to be unobtrusive and to become utterly dependent on others, expecting them to take one’s life into their hands; to inflate an image of oneself and to strive for admiration and prestige.”
There’s an element of cause and effect that goes unnoticed when people believe in 100% willpower and 100% control over one’s fate. Those attitudes are a denial of cultural influence. When those influences inevitably change the person, their new character armor becomes self-limitation. “Never does any change occur in any part of a living organism which does not influence the entire organism. Thus it would not be thinkable that neurotic trends develop while the personality as a whole remains unchanged. Invariably the neurotic trends have decisive consequences, varying in kind according to the type of neurotic trends which have developed. These consequences ensue in an elaborate system of avoidances and inhibitions; every trend or reaction not in line with the safety devices must be suppressed, since otherwise the safety devices would be jeopardized. If the emphasis is, for instance, on a passionate pursuit of rectitude and perfection, anxiety may arise at any failure to measure up to these standards. Hence, spontaneous expressions of all kinds must be checked. Personal feelings and wishes must be rigorously subordinated to the requirement of doing and feeling the ‘right’ thing. Any activity must be avoided which entails the risk of failures. If safety is sought in a leaning dependency on others, anything must be avoided that might alienate them. Not only fights must be avoided but also critical thoughts and independent actions…Thus if the appearance of ‘rightness’ must be maintained at any price, disparities existing between the immaculate façade and trends not fitting into the façade may give rise to an almost permanent fear of being ‘found out,’ with the resulting emphasis on secrecy and seclusion or with the resulting tendency to offer self-recriminations in order to ward off accusations on the part of others. Thus the hostilities which must be repressed in the leaning ‘symbiotic’ type form a hidden source of explosive material which in turn adds to the individual’s insecurity and requires new measures of precaution…Every trait develops because of inexorable necessity and serves a necessary function. Peculiarities or ‘symptoms’ emanate from this structure and must be understood on that basis…The ‘difficult internal conditions’ under which a neurotic tries to cope with life are those inherent in his character structure.”
People try to avoid pain and seek pleasure in their way to evade the overwhelm coming from society’s demands. People look for places to rest, places that offer safety, even if only temporary, and places that provide short-term rewards. “The kind of safety devices which are developed and the kinds of satisfactions which are attainable depend entirely upon the existing life conditions. It is hardly imaginable that a striving for the appearance of moral perfection would be used as a means toward security in a culture in which such perfection would meet with amazement and disapproval, in which, for instance, it would be regarded as inhuman. An attitude of helpless personal dependency would scarcely appeal as a safety device in a culture in which it would not elicit attention and protection, but would meet with ridicule…Generally speaking, each of the safety devices we find in our neuroses has its factual security value and contains certain factual possibilities for attaining gratification. It is only their one-sided compulsive and indiscriminate application that lends them their precarious character. Thus a wish to achieve something and to obtain some recognition for one’s achievement would appear as a ‘normal’ striving in a competitive culture like ours. But if a wish for recognition becomes a devouring passion pursued at the expense of all other values in life, if simultaneously one’s creative abilities are inhibited, and if, instead of putting one’s energies into one’s work, one tends to attain superiority through disparaging others, then we would call such an ambition ‘neurotic.'”
The protagonist has the work of trying to protect well-being from fear turning him or her into an automaton of resentment, envy, projection, rumination, and emotional dysregulation. “We would then have to agree on a generally valid norm for what constitutes psychic health, such as, for instance, to be able to have a good attitude toward self and others and to have the free use of one’s energies.” Cultural attitudes have a subjective value to them. Even if a person’s outward appearance gives the vibration of success, there may be relationship failures, addictions, and miserable actions that are for-the-sake-of instead of being drawn from internal constructive sources of energy. Culture wars are often about differences and conflicts over what people think is “healthy” and values to protect. “We could hardly avoid making ourselves the judge as to what is a ‘good’ attitude toward self and others or as to what is a ‘free’ use of energy. Moreover, we would find ourselves compelled to designate as neurotic a whole people or a large group belonging to it. This would be awkward because ‘neurotic,’ however we may define it, has the connotation of impairment of function. But the group as a whole and an individual belonging to such a group may function well within the given cultural limitations, as do others within other limitations…Supposing every culture involves a measure of general anxiety toward life and provides for certain ways of coping with life safely; then we would call neurotic an individual whose anxiety surpasses the average and whose safety devices differ from the average in quantity or quality. Needless to say such a definition does not permit the drawing of a neat demarcation line between neurotic and normal (average) in a given culture. Here as everywhere in nature, we have to reckon with a great range of transitional phenomena. The decision whether or not to call an individual neurotic must ultimately be based on merely practical criteria, such as the degree of being handicapped or the degree of suffering…This concept allows us to draw a bridge between a definition of neurosis which is merely socially oriented and one which is merely clinically oriented…The deviation does not primarily concern the manifest behavior but the quantity or quality of basic anxiety as well as that of the deviation developed for the sake of security.”
Solomon’s experience in modern therapy shows how easy it is for people to project their faults on others. They haven’t found the right responses to challenges and so they appear to be too challenging. It’s almost impossible to not blame the world. “Gradually developing hopelessness is the basis from which envy is constantly generated. It is not so much an envy of something special, but what Nietzsche has described as Lebensneid [Envy of Life], a very general envy of everyone who feels more secure, more poised, more happy, more straightforward, more self-confident…Although Horney does not take this next logical step, it would seem to me that a therapist, who hopefully is more self-confident and secure than the patient, would ultimately be envied by the patient…My clinical experience has been that the character disorder will usually blame others for his despair…Blaming others for their hopelessness absolves the character disorder and shifts the responsibility for change away from themselves. ‘Since you are all responsible for my suffering, it is your duty to help me, and I have a right to expect it from you.’ Horney’s clinical observation [is] that character disorders exaggerate in their imagination the obstacles to change.”
When things get too destructive with self-talk, it’s a sign that constructive attitudes, which is another way of saying a learning mentality, is in abeyance. It appears that possibilities have not really been exhausted before giving up would be understandable. Resistances drain energy, so the self-talk, depression, and inner conflict may in fact make the patient feel too sapped to make further efforts. “…There are also neurotic elements in his accusations: they often take the place of constructive efforts toward positive goals and usually they are blind and indiscriminate. They may be directed, for example, toward persons who want to help him and at the same time he may be entirely incapable of feeling and expressing accusations against those persons who really injure him…Because of his compulsory unobtrusiveness and dependency, with all their implications, molehills often appear to him as mountains, particularly when he is supposed to do something for himself, or when he is faced with responsibilities or risks.”
Stuck in comparisons, which no person in a sea of millions of people could measure up as best at all times, insecurity becomes near impossible to shake off. Hardened idealized images of idol worship are based on notoriously unreliable peak experiences inspired by others, despite being curated to be more permanent than they really are, since everyone is mortal and hide their imperfections. “…Dependent upon endless affirmation from others in the form of approval and admiration, flattery—none of which, however, can give him any more than temporary reassurances. He may unconsciously hate everyone who is overbearing or, better than he is any way—more assertive, more evenly balanced, better informed—threatening to undermine his own notions of himself. The more desperately he clings to the belief that he is his idealized image, the more violent the hatred.”
Worldview, Projection, and Illusion
For Karen, when a character neurosis takes hold it becomes a worldview. How projection can creep in unawares is when a person feels a nefarious strategy is being used by everyone, and the resentment of the patient, that he or she has to follow the same path as a pre-emption, it leads to accusations against others for doing the same, even if inaccurate. Horney provided examples related to obsession, avoidance, exploitation, power and control. “It is important to know that hysterical buying is not based on rational fears of deprivation, such as fears of being without food or shoes. [They] are irrational in nature and vary from one person to another. The following elements may be involved:
a. A blind rebellion against anything faintly resembling coercion. This would be similar to people’s drinking more alcohol during prohibition. A defiant attitude of this kind is found in people who have misconceived notions of independence. Independence for them means freedom from any obligation or responsibility. Furthermore, those persons are hypersensitive to ‘coercion’ who, without being aware of it, want to dominate and manipulate others. These people tend to accuse others of being dominating and resent bitterly anything which might constitute an interference with their own wishes.
b. An irrational fear of impoverishment, which drives people to take exorbitant precautions against such danger. This fear operates in persons who at bottom are out to exploit others and to take advantage of them. They tend to feel it as a triumph if they can fool others or take advantage of a situation. Conversely, they feel it as a disgraceful defeat if they are deprived of anything. They are obsessed by a fear that they might come out at the short end, that others might outwit them; they resent having to give or to sacrifice anything. They regard the world around them as potentially hostile and are primarily engaged in being on their guard against others. Hence, the idea of cooperation is entirely alien to them.”
Worldviews exist in the concept and tradition of marriage and colour the patient’s attitudes towards it. Viewpoints range from beliefs about who’s being dominated, who’s dependent, and exaggerated notions about duty. “Roughly, there are two main reasons marriage may feel like an enslavement: tendencies to dominate and hypersensitivity to semblances of constraint and coercion.”
Healthy relationships allow partners to take a stance first, and then match that stance with the authentic stance of others. Authentic stances are about skill development and are aimed towards construction, not destruction. “Feeling enslaved in marriage jeopardizes not only happiness but also the development of the best human potentialities in the partners. The criterion of a good marriage lies in whether or not it furthers the development of the partners, whether or not it inspires more self-confidence, liberates energies, increases spontaneity and productivity.”
Projection involves imagination, and the imagination can be a world unto itself, regardless if it perceived the world in a distorted way. “Imagination is a function of the mind which can serve constructive or destructive ends. The normal individual uses it for constructive planning or consolation in adversity; the artist consciously remolds reality through his imagination. The neurotic individual develops a need to live in the imagination when the inner psychic pressure becomes intolerable. Hence, he transforms his ideas about himself and the world in accordance with his unconscious needs, and thus achieves a sense of equilibrium. Although he may possess real potentialities for what he idealizes in himself, the main purpose of this self-idealization is its function as a solution for conflicts…Some neurotic individuals are excessively optimistic and find satisfaction in the belief that magic fulfillment is always just around the corner. Regarding themselves as omnipotent, they feel exempt from death. Others are resigned to the burden of themselves and of living. They ask little from reality and confine their satisfactions to the imagination. Considering themselves worthless, they often think of suicide.”
The unfortunate thing is that one cannot avoid reality and sooner or later problems have to be faced with actual problem-solving mental power. This is not a passive exercise. “As a consequence of these attitudes, the neurotic individual experiences marked feelings of unreality. He is also easily hurt by contact with reality and readily humiliated when not accepted at his imaginary self-evaluation. At times he reacts with explosive anger. For the most part he is alienated from self and others and unable to assess realistically his personality assets and weaknesses. The concept of time has little meaning for the neurotic individual. His values are reversed, and therefore reality appears as unreality and unreality becomes reality.”
Part of the mind then hates the world for being so challenging and part of the mind accuses the self for not living up to those challenges. “We have reason to be dissatisfied with ourselves when we fail to aspire to or do not achieve our potentialities as human beings. Healthy dissatisfaction leads to constructive action. However, when our claims for ourselves are irrational, we have contempt for our real achievements and succumb to destructive self-hatred. Self-hate also results when the irrational claims we make on others are not fulfilled…All neurotic individuals strive toward irrational goals of superiority. Some drive toward unlimited power, recognition, or success; others achieve superlative heights in their imagination; and others indicate their supremacy strivings by perfectionistic goals. In all of these drives are seen a need for vindictive triumph and an enormous pride…In the pursuit of phantoms of supremacy, the individual suffers in two ways. He sustains a greater loss of self-confidence since he looks down at his real self from the heights of imaginary superiority. This self-contempt may take the form of hostility toward others, toward himself, or may be felt as contempt from others. This interferes seriously with his capacity to love or to believe in his own lovability, makes him feel vulnerable, and results in disturbance in his relationship to himself and others…On the one hand, he needs the love of others badly yet feels unlovable and cannot believe that anyone can really like him. On the other hand, he needs people to affirm his vast superiority yet cannot relate himself to them because of his diminished capacity to give love.”
The reason why these attitudes are toxic is because of how limiting they are for people looking to live a full life. “He may exclude love and consciously drive himself toward goals of supremacy, since he feels that he could never be liked anyhow. Or he may do nothing in reality and attempt to achieve satisfaction by living in reflected glory or the admiration which may come to him through a partner or through children. Or he may envelop himself in a thick armor of righteousness which protects him from self-doubt. Or the individual may be resigned to never getting anything for himself and so look around for someone to take over for him. In this instance, he needs the partner for survival and may become seemingly self-effacing.”
Healthy people live in realistic expectations, a scientific attitude of experiment, and a learning mentality. You’re competing against yourself instead. This is healing and restores emotional regulation. “[For] the restoration of real self-esteem, it is necessary to get out of the vicious circle of false pride, to relinquish illusions, and to modify the search for absolute success. When an individual stops looking down on himself from the false heights of great imaginary superiority and ceases invidious comparison, his healthy self-confidence increases. When the false pride is loosened and the illusions are dispensed with, the individual can begin to develop.”
As Karen has already written before, love here is a well tended garden where the elements are harmonious and conducive to growth, “such love not only brings happiness but is of unique value for our growth as human beings,” but just like in a wild situation, there can be parasitical motives that ultimately destroy the plant. People who are resourceful and able to regulate their emotions themselves rely less on others to do it for them. They grieve normally, but recover their true self and aliveness, which is the growth factor for Karen, the constructive part of the mind. “Yet even plants have to make something of what they absorb. It would seem, then, that these people have consigned themselves to a parasitical state in life. To sustain and fortify their illusions, they are strongly inclined to endow love with truly magical powers and qualities. Like Cinderella in the fairy-tale, or like Madame Bovary, in Flaubert’s realistic delineation of a romantic attachment, they regard love as an ‘open sesame’ to fantastically happy living, and under its miraculous aegis, they confidently hope to acquire all that which they lack ‘strength, assurance, warmth, and magnetism’ in short, a completely rounded vision of happiness. But the outcome is always the same. Their dreams, their illusions, their fantasies eventually become like leaden weights that strangulate the beloved. In summary, we may say that people who are alienated from themselves, who are possessed of neurotic fears, and who are incapable of utilizing their own resources, are compelled to live through others. Their predicament is due largely to an aversion against changing themselves in any way, and to their subsequent dependence upon miraculous and external solutions. Because they cannot cope with life as it is, they escape into an idealized realm wherein love, devotion, and sacrifice are glorified, and make the principal activating forces in the lives of others. For them, however, love remains illusory. They are incapable of giving it; hence, incapable of receiving it.”
Over Emphasis on Love – NYPR – Dr. Karen Horney lecture: https://www.wnyc.org/story/dr-karen-horney/
Sadism and Vindictiveness
Those who cannot tap into their own resources, like those who aren’t able to relax their emotions through meditation, hobbies, interests, etc., and those who cannot generate their own flow experiences with taking stands and creating personal goals that provide personal meaning and growth, they may fall into sadism and vindictiveness. “Our love life should and could be a source of the greatest happiness in our lives and help to offset the sources of distress in our daily struggle for existence—the competition, fears of failure, subversive and open hostilities. With a friend, a lover, a husband, or a wife, we want and need to find peace, understanding, affection, support, sympathy, mutual faith, and respect. Yet all too often a relationship which apparently begins auspiciously, with falling in love, and even with a will to build something good, becomes a source of misery. Two people enter a relationship happily and hopefully, but after a while find themselves disappointed and disillusioned. When that happens, it is almost always the ‘other fellow’ who is blamed…In my consultations with married couples, I find, for example, that a wife will complain of her husband’s staying out late and neglecting her, or whatever the grievance may be. She feels sure that he should be analyzed. Then when the husband is interviewed, he insists that he is all right, but that his wife is very demanding, nagging, an impossible person to live with.”
The competition of blame and righteousness, especially in relationships where both are equally at fault, it can become a game of sadistic pleasure where there is a “tendency to find conscious or unconscious gratification or thrill in criticizing, degrading, humiliating, enslaving, or exploiting the partner…The sadistic person may be driven by a compulsive desire and need to enslave others, especially a love partner. In consequence, his ‘victim’ will be reduced to the status of a superman’s slave, deprived not only of independent wishes and feelings but of making any claims whatsoever on the ‘superman.’ Sometimes this compulsive drive expresses itself in the impulse to mold or educate the victim. In its most benign state, it may have some constructive aspects, as in the case of parents with children or teachers with pupils. More frequently, however, this desire to shape and mold another personality is activated by purely selfish motives…This desire is occasionally evident in sexual relations, especially on the part of the maturer partner. It appears in homosexual relationships involving a younger and an older man. Frequently, though not invariably, the sadistic partner in a sexual relationship is haunted by a possessive jealousy and exercises it to inflict torture. Since keeping a bulldog grip on the victim is of such vital interest to the sadist, he may be inclined to neglect his career and even to forgo the pleasures and advantages of meeting other people rather than permit his partner any degree of independence.”
The Ubermensch Explained – (Friedrich Nietzsche): https://youtu.be/36R5w_H7744?si=Vbjp2UbeIrIO1Ya6
Object Relations: Harry Stack Sullivan: https://psychreviews.org/object-relations-harry-stack-sullivan/
This is why it’s important to have a meditation-contemplation practice to look inward, and especially FEEL inward what thoughts are doing to oneself. In real time the feelings of lashing out versus internal resourcefulness appears clearly and unmistakably. I would advise a continuous mindfulness practice that is integrated with thoughts. Mindfulness can go too far in crushing intellectual pursuits but when used to prune useless negativity, wasted thinking, and wasted energy, it can relax where it needs to, and relaxation makes constructive thinking more possible. Then the attitude of making the most out of things animates the true self forward, especially if this includes personal growth.
Meditation in Daily Life Pt. 1: https://rumble.com/v6ypuoe-meditation-in-daily-life-pt.-1.html
Meditation in Daily Life Pt. 2: https://rumble.com/v6yqee4-meditation-in-daily-life-pt.-2.html
Meditation in Daily Life Pt. 3: https://rumble.com/v6z2b1m-meditation-in-daily-life-pt.-3.html
This is NOT the Actualism method!: https://psychreviews.org/this-is-not-the-actualism-method/
When the destructive mind takes over, the passive partner is parasitically using the stronger partner and the stronger partner is parasitically exploiting the passive partner. Both feel like victims and blame each other in a vicious cycle. In the end, the sadist wants to be in the position of quality assurance and not in the position of being measured. They want to be in places where they don’t suffer metrics but can apply metrics on others as torture. Making a demand is easier than fulfilling the demand and the masochistic partner will learn that sooner or later. “The sadist uses various devices to enslave a love partner. The enslaved recipient will be given just enough to make the relationship appear worthwhile. And although the sadistic person will fulfill certain of the partner’s needs in a tantalizing, inadequate sort of way, he will at the same time impress upon him the unique quality of what he does give. Through brow-beating and intimidation, he will succeed in convincing his partner that nobody else would be capable of giving him such understanding, such powerful support, so much sexual satisfaction, so many varied interests. In fact, who else would tolerate him? All these tactics achieve the desired goal—effectively isolating the partner from all other contacts. And when, through the combined pressures of possessiveness and disparagement the partner is reduced to a state of complete dependency, that is often the moment selected by the sadist to threaten to leave him…We must understand the despair of a person who feels forever excluded from all life has to offer, and who, because of the shriveling of his emotional capacity, is completely cut off. It is important to realize the pervasiveness of his sense of deprivation, bitterness, and despair, because it is the soil in which sadistic trends grow. A desperate suffering turns a person sour and venomous toward others. The attitude becomes: ‘If I can get nothing from life, why should you? I’ll make you pay for my unhappiness.'”
Frankenstein | Guillermo del Toro: https://youtu.be/x–N03NO130?si=5sBVMr4GpNGVTC42
People who cannot enjoy in the healthy way must find a replacement enjoyment, even if sadism is a mentally noisy, unpleasant, and unreliable source of pleasure. “From this basis of bitter envy, resentment, and despair, he has come to want only two things: to get even, and to enjoy a vindictive triumph. He cannot enjoy; he will ruin others’ enjoyment. He cannot feel pleasurable anticipation; he will mar the hopes of others. He has lost his pride and self-respect; he will humiliate other people, degrading them into mere creatures whom he dominates and exploits. In spite of an aura of righteousness, he feels guilty; he will make others feel guilty. His desire for vindictive triumph shows itself in a determination to gain a victory over all who have frustrated him, and also in a restless drive to excel. The fairy tale of ‘Cinderella’—her early humiliations at the hands of her step-sisters and her final triumph over them—illustrates this craving for a vindictive triumph.”
To avoid a simple “venting” form of therapy, to root out the problem it is “not ‘liberating vindictive aggression,’ but overcoming it…Pride and self-hatred do not in themselves constitute conflict, but these incompatible attitudes toward the self lead to conflicts strong enough to tear a person apart when his drives toward compliance and toward aggressiveness compel him toward opposite goals.” Asking the question of the character disorder, which is often based on changing the unpleasant consequences of facing real life, it is to ask what are the consequences of not acting in a constructive way? Conversely, what are the consequences of being overly passive? “If we look upon suffering as a consequence of neurosis, we can hope to help a person to find himself, instead of effacing himself.” The danger is always the same, not living a reasonably full life. “The individual needs to come out of this crippling condition, then be prepared to help others to free themselves from it. He must also be prepared to work through the personal factors in himself, rather than look to the culture for an understanding of it.”
To drop perfectionism is to allow oneself to enjoy things as they are and how they present to themselves. They don’t all have to be peak experiences that surpass the prior one, but the pleasure has to be recognized as such in the senses as opposed to an abstract notion of self. Intellect points to experiences, but intellect can’t be the only experience. Aliveness comes from this but also the enjoyment of personal growth which can only happen to a person who continually develops skill. “Pride in intellect has a constricting effect on the ability to enjoy anything, since nothing can be enjoyed that hasn’t been approved by the intellect. Is it rational, does it measure up, is it perfectly acceptable to my thinking? Only if it Passes can it be enjoyed…The opposite is found in the self-effacing person who feels he never thinks as well as others do, never has any ideas, and quickly calls himself stupid. There is an anxious need to make no claims to having a good mind, in order to avoid disappointments…Intelligence can be turned wholly to the service of neurotic pride, rather than toward enriching life and the enjoyment of being wholly one’s real self…Analysis would aim to achieve synthesis with the real self as a whole, using knowledge not just for pride in knowledge but for understanding and in order to increase the appreciation and enjoyment of oneself and others.”
Proceeding by yourself
Because life is about growth, the role of the therapist is not to eliminate all problems, but to help the patient face their own life and to be satisfied that they need to take their own stances. “This raises a difficult question. If our growth as human beings is interminable, and if analytical therapy merely sets this process in motion, when does the patient reach the stage where he no longer needs treatment? If both patient and analyst focused their attention entirely on what remained to be done, they would be tempted to go on and on forever…Our question would be: has the patient’s personality improved to the extent that he can safely be dismissed from treatment? Before terminating an analysis the patient should become less rigid, less vulnerable, less arrogant, more assertive, more warmhearted, more cooperative, more honest, more realistic. Such improvements, however, while undoubtedly desirable are too relative to serve as the sole criteria. A patient’s grandiose notions about himself may have diminished considerably in the course of the analysis but certain areas in his life may still be governed by wishful thinking rather than by realistic considerations. It would be difficult therefore to say exactly how realistic he should be before terminating his treatment.”
Patients have to become their own therapist if they want to be autonomous. “…At what stage of his development is the patient ready to continue on his own? When can the patient deal constructively with his own problems? What capacities must he have acquired to be able to do so? He must have clarified his goals in life and he must have a clear recognition of his own values. It is not necessary or even feasible that he attain his goals during analysis—he can never do more than approximate them—but he must know in what direction he wants to develop. As long as he is still driven compulsively toward some goal which he considers the solution to all his neurotic problems, he cannot proceed by himself, for he will be interested merely in analyzing the factors which prevent him from attaining his particular neurotic goal. He will certainly not be willing to examine the goal itself…The patient must have abandoned his neurotic goals or at least have questioned their validity…The patient must have his feet sufficiently on the ground; he must be interested in seeing himself as he is and could be instead of trying to live up to a phantastic notion of what he should be or of seeing himself merely as the superior being he is in his imagination…The patient must have gained sufficient incentive to continue working with himself; he must have overcome the pervasive feeling of hopelessness and the paralyzing inertia resulting from it, expressed by the ‘I can’t’ attitude. He must have largely overcome his tendency to make others responsible for his difficulties, and he must realize instead that heaven and hell are within himself.”
This independence should appear in the analysis towards the end where they are so independent of the therapist because of the spontaneous constructive impulses arising in the sessions. There’s always an opportunity to return to the therapist but it cannot become a permanent crutch. “Does the patient have a more spontaneous interest in facing his problems and working at them? Has he become more capable of observing and understanding himself outside the analytic sessions? Has he become more honest with himself? Has he become more co-operative in his relations with the analyst? While the patient should be prepared to work by himself and to try to find the solutions to his problems without leaning on the analyst at every opportunity, he should, nevertheless, feel secure in the knowledge that he can always discuss matters with his analyst should any problem prove too difficult for him.”
This led to Karen’s desire to show her followers how to analyze themselves, since that is truly the end point, or for people who don’t want or need analysis, where self-analysis becomes the normal mode of being, which includes advancing skills and expanding talents into perceived barriers to be sure how solid they are. “How are you to proceed from here? You go on examining yourself; if a difficulty arises, you try to recognize your share in it; you learn from experience; in short you analyze yourself.”
Are You Considering Psychoanalysis? – Karen Horney: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780393001310/
New Ways in Psychoanalysis – Karen Horney: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780393312300/
The Unknown Karen Horney – Karen Horney, Bernard J. Paris: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780300080421/
Karen Horney and Character Disorder – Irving Solomon PhD: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780826129956/
Psychology: https://psychreviews.org/category/psychology01/